Why is it so hard to put ourselves first?

Why is it so hard to put ourselves first?

Towards the end of a mentorship session this morning, we explored the challenge of finding purpose and meaning while living under the constraints and challenges of our current set of circumstances.

We talked about the desire to cultivate a hobby, we talked about carving out time, and after all of that, we got to the heart of the matter - which is this:

We’ve been conditioned to look for external validation.  We’ve been conditioned to feel useful, impactful, meaningful when we’re doing for others.

We make time to work. We make time to parent. We make time to check on our friends. We make time to be accountable to others.

It is SO HARD to be accountable to ourselves.

Until fairly recently, I didn’t have any hobbies. I would work. I would parent. I would wife. I would daughter.  I would help my friends. I would answer any call that came through and drop everything at the first chance to direct my energy out.

But I ran out of steam.  Because we run out of steam. I know I’m not the only one.

So.

How do we shift a lifetime of conditioning?

We start by understanding what's important - what we value. This is a deeply personal process. It can be quick. It can be long.  It can be done alone or with support. We start by asking ourselves - "when and where do I feel most like myself?"

Then we find ways to feed those values - 

We ask - “in our childhood or early adulthood, what and where gave us those feelings, that sense of being?”

Next we work to build a concrete connection between those values and the feeling we’re looking for - 

We ask - “what activities, people or circumstances can I put into practice this week to cultivate that feeling?”

Finally - we acknowledge, and behave as though our own happiness, our own sense of meaning, our own sense of purpose is a priority.

But how do we prioritize ourselves?

We work to crave external validation less.

We work to pay attention to our own feelings, our own internal cues more. 

We work to validate our own success - and here’s the kicker - WE WORK TO VALUE OUR OWN OPINION OF OURSELVES THE MOST.

As always, easier said than done.

Believe this - you deserve to feel valued by you.